[Production note: Due to last night’s Emmys, the Power Rankings are being compiled with even less energy, enthusiasm and originality than usual, and you know what that means: an all-haiku edition. That’s what that means? Yes, that’s what it means.]
1. Don Draper (even) Last week: 1 Seemed ready to shake That sad alcoholic funk Wait, what day is this?
[Production note: Eh, nothing special this week. As always, the standard caveats about laziness and/or inaccuracy apply. Quick, spell “Ted Chaough!” Exactly. No cantaloupes were injured in the creation of these Rankings. Last week’s installment is here.]
1. Don Draper (even) Last week: 1 Over the past four weeks, a question nagged* at us while we watched Don become more and more unlikable as he succumbed to the crippling seizures of severe mojo withdrawl: “What’s it going to take for us to root for this guy again?”
[Production note: DVR functionality has been restored! However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that transcriptions will be any less shoddy than in previous weeks; sometimes, your lazy Power Ranker gets tired of going back again and again to do precise transcriptions, or the ba-doop-ba-doop sound from skipping five seconds in reverse proves too annoying to deal with. Also, please ignore any references to Oete Campbell or Din Darper, as they’re probably just typos I can’t be bothered to fix, not new characters. Thank you for you continuing patience in the face of unspeakable hardship.]
1. Don Draper (even) Last week: 1 Don is slumped in front of his Olympia typewriter, head gently lolling in time to an unseen dream-waltz with a bouffant-wearing pink elephant in a Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce hallway. His fedora, upended and brimming with his own sick, sits on the desk next to him. The camera pans across a crumpled piece of paper jammed in the machine, allowing us to read the words typed upon it.
A podcast I am sometimes on, or usually in the background of. My fiancé and roommate and whoever they decide to bring on that week. Good if you like movies, music, pop culture and potentially pissing off the residents of Louisville, Ky.
“The next time we see sky it’ll be over another town. The next time you take a test, it’ll be in some other school. Our parents, they want the bestest stuff for us. But right now they gotta do what’s right for them, ‘cause it’s their time. Their time, up there. Down here it’s our time. It’s our time down here. That’s all over the second we ride up Troy’s bucket.”—Mikey, The Goonies 1985 (via thespiraleffect)
[Production note: Sunday night’s show was watched without the benefit of a DVR — just like Don would’ve done it in 1964! — so any dialogue transcribed below may be presented in an even more haphazard and inaccurate form than usual.]